Letter to God

Father,
What am I doing here? Sitting in this chair, with many thoughts going through my head. Suddenly, my tears is already falling. Just thinking, I'm still at a loss for words. I couldn't even move my tongue to talk, only just words going around in my mind. My thoughts have been a lot about the people who is still lost. Have many found You, have any search for You? Many would ask, where were You when I hurt, where were You when this happened? I could hear You whisper, I was here with you, putting My Arms around you. Only you don't feel it, cause you only look at your hurt. Listen for My whispers and you'll know I'm there. My heart, oh, Lord! It's hurts and cried out to You. Asking You, to please lead me to anyone who needs You, to anyone who is searching for You. I can't say I have empathy, only compassion. That You gave me, Lord God. I hurt, mostly for those who don't know You and those who doesn't want anything to do with You. Sometime my thoughts get stuck somewhere in my mind, like it won't come to the front. I have questions, but I know I can trust in You. I know there are people who ask, why do I keep trusting You, even when I don't understand what You're doing to me. I know that whatever You do, it wasn't to hurt me, but to bring me through, to walk me through this life. Your Word, Lord, it bring me comfort, security, love, and faith. Your Word, cause me to run to You, to fall down on my knees to worship You. You're beautiful, Father, it's Your characters that bring me to You. I know that I can trust You, cause You've seen the outcome of what the choices I would make when I trust You. Sometime I'm afraid to make a mistake if it isn't Your will. I've been told to pray about it. I know that praying, bring me much closer to You. Cause when I do, I feel my heart become warm. Like it's basking in Your love. I do need encouragement, Father, everyday, that I am being a vessel for You for Your glory. I don't want the feeling that I haven't been the servant that You want me to be. I don't want any credit that I do for You, I want the credit to be all for You. Cause when I do try to take the credit, I would fall. My life is suppose to be about You, a display of Your Son, Jesus. I know that I am leaving tracts to places. I'd pray that those who reads it, would want to know You. I pray that my life be a living testimony around others. A reflection of You and not myself. I want to bring myself to be a living sacrifice to You, holy and acceptable to You. I know that I have the confidence in You, Lord God. In You to making me a beauty, a testimony to others. Even when I don't know it, but it's there. I just don't see it in a small ways that You do. My heart is ever before You, in worship and in prayers. You loves us all! Small or great, good or bad. Not one thing can make You not love us. Such an amazing love, that goes beyond, like eternity. That has no end. Now I am resting in You, ready to do Your call whenever that may be.
Love your daughter in Christ,
Christie

I wrote this in May 13, 2011