What do I look for in someone?

Don’t get me wrong. There were times I had thought I need to find someone perfect like in a fairy tales. What girl doesn’t? If I had gotten married before I find out the truth about a perfect person I probably would have an awful marriage. I’m truly thankful that God kept me from getting married so that I can really find myself and know myself of who I am. He also had taught me many things about people. No one is perfect. No matter how many times we study the Bible, sing songs, and talk to Abba. We still are imperfect. Abba doesn’t except us to be but He also give us the grace to try again. His grace is unending. How amazing is that!

Back to the subject of finding someone. After moving from my hometown in NY, not only had I grown up being away from everyone I’ve known. It’s refreshing to being mentor under someone who have grown wiser. My mentor have trains me to think of what is my goals in life, what is my dreams in life.

In the process of learning and reading to improve my skills. My mentor had told me that I would need to lists all the characteristics I would want to see in a man. So I did that. She then said find the 5 things I listed and then find someone who have those 5 things. The rest will follow because God will continue to work on him. Now there this book that I’ve been reading and it blow me away. I know I’ve heard of it before but it didn’t clicked with me until I read that sentence. It said, "(God) I can’t trust you with his heart until you trust Me with yours."

There’s another one that shook me to my core. When praying for the right person, you must become the right person for the right person you’re praying for.

This book I’ve been reading called, "31 days prayers for your future husband"....in this book it has open many ways to pray for your future partner. Even with words they have in it I still have many more added by my own. With more praying, it drawn me so much closer to Abba that I’m starting to become more like Him. Starting to think like Him. In that process He is also working on me. Changing me in a way that He knows will make His heart glad but also for the right person that this person is praying for. I know He’s still working on me because I would feel His presence so strongly in a sense that I would know what He wants me to do.

The 5 characteristics I have chosen to see in future partner.

1. Love God

2. Love others

3. Compassionate

4. Honest

5.Gracious 

The rest of the characteristics I have listed will follow. Because I know that Abba will continue to work on him just as He will continue to work on me. Get this, along with those I will take his flaws. That’s what make him unique. If I don’t take his flaws then I won’t find anyone who have only the flawless. With his flaws is not only make him unique but it’ll also in a way you know his true self. So ladies (and men), here an advice, follow God and listen to Him as He guide you. If He guide you in that direction that He is leading you to this person then go. If not, don’t pursue it. It’s not worth your time.

So men if you want to listed the characteristics you want in a lady, go ahead. It’ll help you to keep that as your goal to look for in someone. Remember to take her flaws just as she does with you.

God’s blessings on you all for your journey through life, finding someone and blessings on those who have found someone already.

THE DAY I ALMOST DIDNT MEET JESUS

I almost didn't meet Jesus. Let me tell you why.

I remember the day when my younger brother, Jesse would be sitting on the counter talking with my mom. Telling her that he's ready to accept Jesus. She told him he isn't ready because he's too young but he insisted that he is ready so they both prayed. He was 5 when he accepted Jesus. My mom thought I would be ready to accept Jesus because I was older then Jesse to understand about Jesus. So she led me to their bedroom at first I thought I was in trouble cause that's where I usually go if I'm in trouble but she said no she just want to talk to me about Jesus. She told me about Jesus which I've heard so many times, but never understood. So I pretended to accept Jesus, but never really did.

Growing up in a Christian home is great. But being a non-believer of Christ can make it difficult life for someone who doesn't really understand who Jesus and God the Father is. Even with going to church and hearing about Jesus I still didn't understand. Reading bible story and praying every night, I still didn't understand. I hated it because I didn't understand this truth that is surrounding me everywhere I go. Hated going to church; didn't understand the story, hated praying because I didn't understand this Being I'm talking to. 

Now let's fast forward to 3 years later, I was 10 years old, my family and I went on family vacation to visit both my grandparents one in NY and other in SD. Last trip is to my dad's parents in SD before heading home. What I saw of my grandpa, he didn't look good, I signs to my mom and asked her why is he sick? She signed to me that he got something that he doesn't get better from. I was really upset because I loves my grandpa, I didn't want him to be sick. My dad's parents raised horses, so whenever chance I got, I'd go and see them. While walking out to the field to meet them, I started to think about my grandpa, feeling angry and crying not understanding why he is so sick that he can't be better. Last day with them as we drove away I looked behind me seeing that my grandma was taking my grandpa to the hospital, that's the last I saw of him.

On August 25, 1992; We got home late that night then we got the phone call from my grandma that grandpa had died. I started to cry again. I signed to my mom and asked her, "Will I see him again?" She said, "Yes, in Heaven." I asked her, "How?" Finally for the first time I understood the truth about Jesus and why He came to this earth as she share with me the story that I heard so many times before; then she and I prayed together, after I prayed. I felt immediate joy and peace. I was not afraid. I would be singing anything about Jesus.

I no longer hated going to church, I wanted to learn as much as I can about Jesus and our Father. I would ask my mom many questions that even led her to study the Bible to give me answers to my questions. I love praying because I now know who this Being is and who has become my Father that I can talk to at anytime and about anything.

So the reason I put that title in, I almost didn't meet Jesus is, if my grandpa hadn't died from cancer, it would not inspired my question to my mom about Jesus. I would not have met Jesus just when I needed Him. True, God may try another way for me to meet Him but if it hadn't happened then there wouldn't be 2 rejoicing in Heaven. Because as Jesus spoke in His parables Heaven rejoices when one is found and another has come home.

DID I CHANGE?

That's a good question. Did I change? I'm sure everyone have in some points in their life. I'll tell you many points in my life that changed me.

Back in the day in 2010, I was playing this game WOW (World of Warcraft) I was playing it so much same time as I visit with friends, neighbors, and family. I didn't feel much different, it  felt like mediocre. But I'm missing something. One day, I first heard that song, I can only Imagine. WOW!! What a powerful message that made me feel. I started to think....if I go to Heaven would I dance and sing or am I dreading that day that I meet Him? During that time playing the game....I started getting verses that the Holy Spirit brought to my mind. Redeeming the time because the days are evil and when I stand before God, what works have I done for Him that when my works goes through the fire will it get through or will it melted away? I started to cry. I wanted to give myself over to God for Him to use me. I told God I wanted my life to be blessings to others, glorify Him and bring others to Him. So God started to talk to me about going on the mission trip Nicaragua that my church in Fulton NY was doing at the time. At first I was scared to go and making up excuses that I can't go, like my hearing aids won't work if it's wet with sweats all the time or that I won't understand the people's language, I may get sick what was over there. But I kept feeling God's conviction that He wants me to go. I finally went. I'm so glad I did. I LOVES it! What I loves best about it, is people. They're grateful for us to serve them. Providing them, foods, shoes, medicines, and building better shack for them. Going on that mission trip open my eyes to things that third world country people don't have compare to what I have. It broke my heart. They don't have beds, no bath or shower, no foods, no blanket to keep them warm. Each shack we go to, we will ask what they need and we bring the next day. Then we share the Gospel with them. Some of us on our teams don't know Spanish well so we have a translator with us. Amazing how the interaction between our team to translator to the person we're talking to. While we were waiting for our next flight to back home. My team leader's wife asked me will I go again if I was given another chance to go. I immediately answered, "YES!" When we got back home....2 days after being home...I was feeling overwhelmed with all the things I have and I just want to get rid of it because I feel like I have too much stuff. My team leader's wife texted me and asked how am I doing. She told me that she wanted to make sure I'm doing okay because she have also experienced that herself on her first mission trip. Not only people that I love to help, but with being with my team and praying together is such a powerful thing! Being on the mission teams create such a bond that no one else can understand. I read every prayers spoken....many of them is prayers for the people around us, our teams. It's so uplifting to hear it. I got to really hear my pastor's heart for our church family for the first time. It made me cry realizing how big of a heart that my pastor have for our church family. God have also been working on my heart during that time. Being in the mission trip make God feel so much closer.

Year 2012; God continue to work on my heart and I made the decision to quit the game WOW (World of Warcraft). because I realized I wanted to do more with my life then there is always about the game. With that choice made....I went on to another mission trip in 2013 because I felt God calling me to the mission again. It was a HUGE blessing! God had tested me by having me sell the 2 items that I would hold on to, but when He asked me to sell it in the auction to raise money for the trip, I did it and because I did that....God blessed me by having the money raised more then what they're worth in the market. Only youth pastor Dave and I went on the mission trip again, while other 5 friends are new to it. Mission trip was to Grenada.  People there speak English, many are African Black. We help the church with VBS for the children in one of the many churches there. What make my heart very sad is; there is not many fathers/husbands in the home. Many are just women and children.

Year 2013; the last year of my job. I've been feeling the need for change. I met my friend/mentor, Mary Carter through my sister in love. Mary. I've been wanting to move to another place, but my sister in love, (bless her heart) doesn't want me to move because I was the only Aunt living nearby for her children to see and interact with. During that year......I was having a really bad time at work. I even try to make things better for co worker and I to work better, but he continue to make it worse. One point beginning of the year he said something that tore my heart out about me, my personality. Just made it miserable for me to work there. I told God, I can't do this anymore. Please get me another job. I forgave my co-worker for treating me unkindly. My friend Mary Carter have offer a job for me but it's going to be in FL. I didn't know if I will be happy if I moved so far away from my family and friends that I have known for so long and move to a place that I know no one. God told me He is still with me and that when I follow His leading many blessings will follow.

Year 2014; I turned in my noticed that I am quitting the job that I work for 12 years and I love that place because of the people. But I know God is calling me to a better place that I'm placing my trust in Him to move across states to the panhandle of FL. Since I moved to FL I was really happy. I was sad for my family to not being able to visit but at the same time, I knew I'm right where God wanted me and I'm content with that. Being under the influence of my friend/mentor/boss, she have taught me a lot that help me grow more in skills, pushing me to go out of my comfort zone. I went to Dani Johnson's conference and a lot of what she teaches really help me to understand myself more and other people better and their personalities. Being away from family and friends help me to mature more and pushes me out of my comfort zone more. Stayed with the family for almost 2 years as a nanny and help manages the household and being overnight stays with the kids while parents are away. I got to do many travels with them and it is so much fun! So many experiences and learning a lot of things I didn't know before.

Year 2016; While visiting my grandparents that summer for 1 week, I felt right at peace being there. That's where I knew that God wanted me to move to ID. The family I worked with moved to CA. I moved and got to ID just in time before big snowstorms arrived in Dec. As I understand it is the first time in a long time it happened that it snowed that much. Dec-Jan, I didn't have a job......I just felt that peace from God, telling me to not worry and just trust in Him, rest 2 months without searching for a job. Then in February of 2017 I saw a job, I felt a sense of peace about it. I applied for the job and then I was hired. Been with the same job for a year and 2 months now. I loves it! During that time I stayed with my grandparents, while searching to find apartment to live closer, but felt God telling me to wait to search for apartment so I waited. Because of living in the mountains it's tough getting together with friends for fun. So I started playing the game WOW (World of Warcraft) in March mostly for friends interaction and grouping with friends for fun. Then in November...I was told about this tiny house, so I investigated about the house and my friend who is now a roommate we talked about it and we decided it's a good place to start. So we moved in Dec just before the New Year of 2018. haha My mom and I been praying for the apartment for me to move into, even with a roommate and God provide that 11 months later. Crazy thing is about my roommate.....God had told me that Ashley will be my roommate when I started to pray for a roommate but at the time I didn't know because she was still with her ex at the time.  Playing with WOW have been fun during that time. I also got to the point that I'm getting way too much into it, that God talk to me about not playing the game WOW and focus on what He wants me to do.

I've been thinking on what God want me to do. To bring Him glory. To make my life a living sacrifice. While I'm thinking and praying of what He wants me to do. I saw a post a friend posted from Wild at Heart...."Don't ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive....." that first paragraph, stands out to me. It got me to thinking...and first thing that came up to my mind is mission trip. I don't know if it's mission trip to another country or missions in the area where I am. But I'm gonna keep listening for God's guidance for my life.

So question is.....did I change? In many ways I have. Many places I've seen God's works on my life and still is. I'm not perfect and never will be. I still make mistakes even when I don't like it but I know that with the mistakes it's a reminder that God still uses me and with mistakes I can share with others the wisdom I've learned. I'm glad I had changed.....if I hadn't then I would still be in the same boring mediocre life not being a shining light for Jesus and doing things that will help others. I may be an answer to someone's prayer. Just never know where God will place me right where I am now. So here to more changes in the future and looking forward to it. That amazing life changes and the works I do for Jesus can truly express what I feel now when I see Jesus.....I would dance and sing for you Jesus, I can only Imagine! Now I can't wait to see this movie tonight! God bless you on your journey, readers. Here's the music video and just close your eyes and listen to the lyrics, let it wash over you.

A week without Facebook

Sunday, February 18th, my group leader in our deaf/hearing group. He signs about fasting, new skin and wine, old skin and wine. Ask us how it apply to our life. We had our discussion about fasting, how fasting from something can be different ways. After I left the group and walked home, I asked God, what can I fast, He stated plainly....go without Facebook for 1 week and use your time for something that mean worthwhile.

So starting Monday's morning.....woke up and open up the YouVerison app and read my devotionals, normally I would go on Facebook right after reading my devotionals/Bible but because I made an agreement with God that I will go 1 week without it. It was tough.....because I'm a very social person. I love to interact with people, comment on their posts, ask how they're doing, laughs at videos that was funny, smile at videos that is cute, felt touch by videos that move me, see pictures that is posted and reacted with an emotion button and sometime comment on it. Normally people would post if they need prayer warriors, me I'm definitely all over that. Not only because I love to talk to God but these people matter to me and that I pray for them because they need it. The love, support, and care that we can provide for them. Hearing it either by pm or public....not only lift the soul/spirit but also knowing that that person care enough to respond.

Since I started it on Monday.....because I'm not more total focus on Facebook but on other things that do make my time worthwhile....I felt spiritual attack in my dreams. Dreams normal don't scared me unless it's devil that want to keep me from getting more closer to God. I would be reading my Bible more then I normally do.....talking to God 2 hours or more at the most because I'm not only talking but writing in my journal everything I'm saying to Him as well as write poems that He lay on my heart. I simply loves poem and Abba knew that because He send some to my heart to write down. I haven't written music to it because I don't know exactly how to do that. Maybe someday God will show me how or maybe someone else will step in and create one for it. I just need to watch for His direction.

Second day without Facebook.....just starting to get used to it. I would reply to anyone pm in Facebook messenger. If someone is playing the game like words with Friends I would play that with them. I would post pictures in "My Story" in the messenger, just sharing what I'm doing for the day, what things inspired me. I played my Native flute.....oh the joy.....not only is it soothing, but it's almost like resounding deep within me. As a little girl......I would play my grandma's keyboard that plays different music instruments, I would choose the flute every time. Then I would hear someone play the flute I heard on the keyboards.....it was too high for me, didn't want that kind of flute. I didn't realized at the time there was more flutes then one that I heard. It wasn't until I heard Native American flute in a movie Windwalker (1980) and fell in love with that sounds. I didn't know I can get one until a year ago. So I got one and started to play it. I'm getting better at playing as long as I keep practicing it. *I laugh* Even when I brought to work with me and plays it during my break....kids love it. That makes me happy. I might be a natural musician, but I do believe that everyone is a musician if they chose to be or they can be singer either by song or just spoken words. Just chose what's best that feel right for whatever you decide. For me, I would think singing help up lift my spirit but it also humbled me before Elohim, because of who He is not because of me. Plus what's in the heart matters then the singing.....El looks for that.....the heart that seek Him and want to be humbled before Him. As the verse say.....Psalms 34:18, "The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit." and I found another verse relate to this and it brings joy to my heart....."Psalms 10:17, "LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will prepare their heart; You will cause Your ear to hear,"

Since I had bad dreams 2 nights in a row spiritual attack....second night when I couldn't go back to sleep.....Abba brought to my mind what one of my mentor have told me to do when feel spiritual attack is to put on the armors of God. Many verses I have memorized over the years came flooding to me, I would mentality say the verses and tell whoever is in the room with me that I have those armors on me and that I would use it to defend myself. I messaged someone from church on Facebook Messenger Wednesday to pray for me, whoever posted that prayer for me to read brought tears to my eyes. Feeling blessed that someone (brother/sister in Christ) is praying for me. That Wednesday's night I slept through the night with no disturbing dreams. Praise Elohim!

Throughout the rest of the week.....I would find verses that inspires me that I highlights it to remind me and encourage me as well to study on it as to what it mean. I would share with friends, with my mom, with my family. Who knows which people that may inspire them. I want to share with someone that I would feel that God want me to share for someone who may need it for that day.

During the week....I would pray and ask God what He would want me to do during time that I'm not on Facebook as much. I felt He wants me to write blogs more. lol.....good point there. I'll try to post a blog once a week. I also felt that He want me to use my time one day of the week.....to spend time with the elders in retirement home. Because of my past experience at my old job in NY.......family rarely visits their relatives in the retirements home, only during holiday. I miss visiting them because not only are they're fun to be around but they're polite, considerate of others, and speak in a way that I understand them by reading lip, because they speak slow compare to young people who talks fast. lol

Overall, what the main point with 1 week without Facebook is, don't let it steal my time that isn't going to help me unless I just check in and just to say hey....I'm seeing you but haven't forgotten you, yes you're still my friend and yes I still do care. I just have to learn how to control on how much time I am on it. Facebook is a great place to interact with people and keep in touch, but don't let it be too busy for you to noticed things around you outside of it.

God bless you abundantly not because I want Him to but because He wants to blessed you beyond what your cups can holds. Have a great week!

About my Great Grandma Clara

I wrote this back in March 15, 2007 just before she passed away. I had this blog on another site but they had deleted all my blogs and I've requested it to be return to me. So I'm getting what I want to be posted to here instead. 

After I visited my Great Grandma Clara, it's really hard to see her body is degrading of dehydration. She didn't want to go back to the hospital to get hydrate, cause she didn't want to live her life with not walking for the rest of her life. In all of her life that she was living, she was always on her feet doing things. She always busy herself with something. She was healthy, was happy. I was holding her right hand, just holding...I talk to her about things that's happening in my life...I shed a few tears, knowing that she not going to get well. I get flashes of memories of our times together, when we had a great time, and just a time when we'll chatted, telling each other stories in our lives. Now I just say the last story for her...she is just finishing her last steps in the journeys of her life, just getting a step closer to Heaven's gates. I can't imagine how much joy she'll feel when she meet Jesus, and meet all her family that came to Heaven before her. I'll miss her greatly when she go Home. It just make it all the more to look forward to Heaven, is to see love ones again, most of all, is to see Jesus. To thank Him, face to face for what He had done for me. Today, I found out something really interesting. My Grandma told me that I am relate to George Washington's wife, as well as I'm a mutt. Since I have mixed breed genes in me. Incredible, isn't it? Whenever I think of God, of how He made me, I tried to imagine that He tip His head just thinking, what color should I put in her eyes, or what kind of smile that she have to show friendliness. I also tried to imagine of how He made my brothers as well. Just having fun, really get the idea what would it be like. I also imagine, what God feels when my parents accept me as a gift from Him, that He'll smile, when they rejoice at seeing me being born. I feel awestruck and mysterious about how God create life. When I talk about this, it make me think about Grandma Clara, that she is just getting close to starting a new life, a life that is untouched by sin, that it's pure from lusts, evil, and pain. A life that will be at peace with no tears shedding of sorrow, since God will just put His finger to brush the tears away. Such deep feeling, thinking about it. Oh, I longs to be Home, 'El 'Elyon But time is not close, I am to keep loving, forgiving, to serve You, that please You in what way You call me to. I keep asking You, everyday, to have the heart like You to be in place of mine. To live a life, that will glorify You. To ask that Thy will, to come pass in my life, and not my own. There's a song that keep playing in my mind, You the heart of me. That You are, oh Lord God Almighty, 'Adonai 'Elohim Shaddai.

Letter to God

Father,
What am I doing here? Sitting in this chair, with many thoughts going through my head. Suddenly, my tears is already falling. Just thinking, I'm still at a loss for words. I couldn't even move my tongue to talk, only just words going around in my mind. My thoughts have been a lot about the people who is still lost. Have many found You, have any search for You? Many would ask, where were You when I hurt, where were You when this happened? I could hear You whisper, I was here with you, putting My Arms around you. Only you don't feel it, cause you only look at your hurt. Listen for My whispers and you'll know I'm there. My heart, oh, Lord! It's hurts and cried out to You. Asking You, to please lead me to anyone who needs You, to anyone who is searching for You. I can't say I have empathy, only compassion. That You gave me, Lord God. I hurt, mostly for those who don't know You and those who doesn't want anything to do with You. Sometime my thoughts get stuck somewhere in my mind, like it won't come to the front. I have questions, but I know I can trust in You. I know there are people who ask, why do I keep trusting You, even when I don't understand what You're doing to me. I know that whatever You do, it wasn't to hurt me, but to bring me through, to walk me through this life. Your Word, Lord, it bring me comfort, security, love, and faith. Your Word, cause me to run to You, to fall down on my knees to worship You. You're beautiful, Father, it's Your characters that bring me to You. I know that I can trust You, cause You've seen the outcome of what the choices I would make when I trust You. Sometime I'm afraid to make a mistake if it isn't Your will. I've been told to pray about it. I know that praying, bring me much closer to You. Cause when I do, I feel my heart become warm. Like it's basking in Your love. I do need encouragement, Father, everyday, that I am being a vessel for You for Your glory. I don't want the feeling that I haven't been the servant that You want me to be. I don't want any credit that I do for You, I want the credit to be all for You. Cause when I do try to take the credit, I would fall. My life is suppose to be about You, a display of Your Son, Jesus. I know that I am leaving tracts to places. I'd pray that those who reads it, would want to know You. I pray that my life be a living testimony around others. A reflection of You and not myself. I want to bring myself to be a living sacrifice to You, holy and acceptable to You. I know that I have the confidence in You, Lord God. In You to making me a beauty, a testimony to others. Even when I don't know it, but it's there. I just don't see it in a small ways that You do. My heart is ever before You, in worship and in prayers. You loves us all! Small or great, good or bad. Not one thing can make You not love us. Such an amazing love, that goes beyond, like eternity. That has no end. Now I am resting in You, ready to do Your call whenever that may be.
Love your daughter in Christ,
Christie

I wrote this in May 13, 2011

Pondering Thoughts

As I am getting to know God, my Father....He always have this mysterious character, but when getting to know Him, there is a feeling of joy and peace in His Presence. I have to talk to Him to know what it feels like. I can't always assumes that I know what someone is saying if I haven't have that experiences. I know that when I'm thirsting for something, that's longing to fill my heart, that's unexplainable yearning, I try to fill that with everything I see, but it doesn't satisfies it. It always seeking for more. But when I come to the Presence of God, I felt the peace, the unexplainable peace that no peace can compare to it. It's a peace, that clam the mind, heart, and soul. It's like the yoga, but it's not the kind that I have to do to feel that, it just in that Presence that I feel that. He said to me, "My child, let me fill that longing. The longing that won't need to be fill again." I said, "Okay, Lord God, please fill that longing that I try to fill with everything." He said, "If you stay with Me, that peace won't leave you. It'll always be there even in times of trouble. I'll be with you always. But if you leave me, that peace won't be there. You'll feel the discord in your heart." Every time I come to His Presence, I feel that joy and peace that won't go away. When I come to His Presence, I not only felt joy and peace, I also felt love. Everywhere I go and see, I see His unconditional love. Everything, like in nature, trees growing, flowers blooming, that's His creativity. Everywhere I go, I smile or laughs when things like that cross my path, cause I know, that's Him taking the time to remind me, He cares and want to share that with me. I am reminded everyday that He's right beside me. He ask me, "Will you let Me be a part of your every moments? Not just an hour or a day, but every moments." I said, "I am trying, Lord, to let You in every moments and not a day or an hour, or a week. I do ask of You, please change me to become more like Your Son. I want to be a vessel that is completed, before I go home. " I'm so amazed that He's patience with me, waiting. There were times I would rebel, cause I didn't like that change, but then He said, "it won't be beautiful if you don't let Me." I know that there is a longing in me to be perfect, but that perfection is broken by the fall of man, which is sin. Even when I am saved by Jesus from my own sins, I still have a sinful nature in me. I won't have that perfection until I die or when Elohim take me home.